Matthew 18

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Whoever "they" is, that's what they say, and the amazing thing to me is how true it really is. With all of our technological advancement, we still treat people the same and have the same basic sense of right and wrong toward fellow humans that existed even in Bible times. Given that, it should be no surprise that we can find great leadership and relationship principles all over the Bible. In today's passage, Jesus talks about how we should deal with one another when we have been wronged.

First, you have to let the other person know that there is an issue. Often we do things that hurt other people, and we are unaware that we have been offensive. If someone offends you, you have the initial responsibility to let them know. If they don't know that they have offended you, then how can they be held responsible?

Second, you have to be willing to resolve the issue. If someone brings you an offense, you should be willing to forgive. And if you are bringing an offense to someone else, be ready to forgive them. Sometimes, though, things cannot be resolved between just two people, and in that case, other measures must be employed.

Third, when an issue cannot be resolved by the two parties that are directly involved, bring in a small group of others that know both parties. We don't need to air our dirty laundry to the strangers of the world, but we should be willing to listen to the objective advice of our peers. We don't gossip about others with the goal of swaying people to "our side," but we do share with others to find wisdom. Sometimes your friends will tell you that you are wrong, and sometimes they will stand beside you to fight for your rights.

Fourth, if you and your close friends still cannot reach a resolution on the issue, then take it to your church. I think that this could be translated in our society as taking it to the law enforcement because remember that in their society the church was the law. Of course, spiritual issues should always be referred to the church, but a legal issue with someone outside of the church wouldn't really be impacted by the opinion of your pastor. I think the point of this step is the legal pressure rather than the spiritual pressure that can be applied.

Fifth, if you have exhausted all of the mechanisms and you still cannot reach a resolution, then be done. Avoid contact with that person from that point forward and do not allow yourself to be drawn into further disagreement. Sometimes the best solution is to just be separated from someone.

Try it the next time that you have an issue, and see if you don't reach an amicable resolution long before you reach the last step. It works for me. It'll work for you, too.